- as performed by Terry Tosspot, 23 yrs, on July 27th 2012, outside the Steroid & Shoespike sportsbar, (formerly the Millenium Arms public house) Soho, London, Hell.
So 'London Calling' in all it's paranoid glory has been chosen to soundtrack the Olympics and win the custom of Johnny Sports-fan. Now cynics like me will snigger & grin widely at the irony of attempting to pimp the whore London by listing it's STD's, but, seriously, did whoever chose this ever listen to the lyrics? Reminds me of when the BBC gormlessly decided to hawk itself by hiring an embarrasment of slebs to grunt along to Lou Reed's smack anthem 'Perfect Day', seemingly on the basis of the title alone (though also possibly cos most at the time knew it from the Trainspotting soundtrack, which, presumably in the BBC hive mind, made it keeeewl, but ought to have given them a pretty big clue as to it's subject matter - whoops). Mind you, the perennially deluded and ignorant glut of middle Englander dipshits & knee jerk nationalists that will doubtless fill our pubs with their charming, virtually wordless renditions of this punk anfum in the next year have ever behaved thus. You've seen this sort of eminently slapable twat waving their little flags and belting out 'Jerusalem' at the Proms for about a century now - the last few embers of empire still just about glowing in their dead, dead eyes - and you just know they are completely unaware of the fact that it's a piss take. 'And did those feet / in ancient times / walk upon England's mountains green?' asks William Blake, rhetorically. The answer is: of course they fucking didn't. Jesus did not go on holiday to Cornwall, just as Lou Reed did not write a song about how he had a nice time with a girl on Tuesday. And I don't imagine Joe Strummer ever lay back and dreamt of a day when he could take satisfaction in soundtracking the pissing away of billions of public pounds on a glorified sports day.
If you're a sports fan, get ready to continue enjoying the war on art you've been conducting since launching your playground 'Wedgies For Weirdos' campaign. If you are or were a Clash fan, get ready to enjoy the experience of coming to loathe one of your favourite songs. Increasingly, I hope the Mayans were right about next year.
In summary: Facepalm
